There was a topic brought up on Twitter tonight centering around sex toy reviews and manufacturer feedback. In a nutshell, it was proposed that reviewers ought to contact manufacturers and work hand-in-hand with them, providing feedback and helping make the sex toy industry a better place. (Peace on sex toy earth, if you will.) I’m all for conversing with a manufacturer and providing them with my opinions on how they rule, what they could do better, etc., BUT (and there’s a but) only if they genuinely want my feedback. I’m not going to bombard them with e-mails and shove my opinions on them if it is not wanted or appreciated.

I want to make this loud and clear: I do my reviews for you guys, my wonderful readers. I hope that anyone who might stumble across a review that I have written walks away as a more knowledgable consumer, armed with more information than they previously had. I do not do reviews so I can score a free vibrator (lord knows I’ve spent enough money on sex toys already, spending more won’t kill me). I do not do them so I can try to chase down some shadow of a customer service person, hoping they give a crap about what I have to say about Product XYZ. You, person sitting there reading this, are the reason I started this blog in the first place.

I have a job, a life, and two attention-whore cats. I have friends, bills, and a relationship. I have priorities other than this blog (shocking, I know). I keep this running because I love it, I’m passionate about it, and I think educating people about something so commonly misunderstood, such as sex toys, is important. This is not my job, my life, nor my paycheck. I have no obligation to contact every single manufacturer of every single product I review. I encourage their feedback on my reviews, as well as an open dialogue about their products in whichever direction they wish to take it. If they want to know my thoughts on something, I would hope that they would ask. I should not have to clutter their inboxes with links and comments about their products, nor do I want to.

I suppose what I’m getting at here, through all of this rambling, is that it’s not solely my responsibility (as a reviewer) to contact a manufacturer. I believe if a manufacturer really wants to gather thoughts on a product, they should be proactive. I’m not saying they need to hunt down every single reviewer or blogger they can find, but they at least need to put themselves out there. Manufacturers: get on Twitter, leave a comment, send an e-mail saying hello, have more of a presence in the blogosphere. If you do any of those things, I guarantee you will get the feedback you are looking for.

If you follow Epiphora, which I’m sure many of you do, you have no doubt heard about the Don Wands snafu. I’m not going to cover that here, since Epiphora has done a wonderful job of explaining the situation herself.

I was not planning on writing a post about this, and did not want to turn it into a bigger deal than it already was… until now. I e-mailed the company last night, stating my disappointment, and have just received back a response that shows me exactly how little they care for their customers. I am appalled, and I have decided to post everything here to let everybody decide for themselves.

First, I’ll start off by showing you my e-mail:

Dear Don Wands:
 
I am writing in regards to an incident, which I’m sure you are aware of by now, regarding comments made to a fellow sex toy reviewer. On her review of a Treeze vibrator (review), a representative of your company made several unprofessional and condescending remarks regarding her honest opinion of the product. I am disappointed with the way this situation was handled, and it has tarnished my views of your company.
 
In the past, I have written two reviews of Don Wands products (Blue Ripple with LED and Vibrating Cobalt Nubby) in which I praised your products, as well as your company. Had this situation been handled in a more appropriate manner, I would have continued to support Don Wands and recommend your products. Instead, I will no longer be reviewing or purchasing your products, and will not hesitate to point consumers to different manufacturers in the future. I sincerely hope that Epiphora receives an apology for the way she was responded to and that this sort of incident is not repeated.
 
Your once loyal customer,
 
Miss KissThis

I expected to receive the standard “we apologize” e-mail in response, but what I saw in my inbox this morning blew me away. Here’s their response:

Thanks for your previous work. Alphabitch was incorrect in her characterization, if this is the reason, we are sorry you feel this way. I hope you change your mind as our efforts are researched and for the benefit of the consumer. I hope you see our goal without bias.

Our remarks were in response to several negative remarks toward the company and our efforts, not the review of the features of the products. Thanks for your past reviews, again we apologize if you were offended.

Kind Regards

Excuse me?? First of all, I was discussing EPIPHORA. They continue to place all blame on everyone else, saying someone “incorrectly characterized” things, instead of owning up to a crappy product and an even crappier business sense. They obviously did not actually read my e-mail, or they would have seen that the review of the product is not what caused me to view their company in a negative light. If I’m interested in a product, I will most likely still be interested whether there are negative reviews or not. The snarky response she got back is what tarnished my views (only to be furthered by their subsequent responses), and they only seem interested in defending their poor behavior while placing all blame on Epiphora.

They also claim Epiphora made several negative remarks towards the company and its efforts. Excuse me Don Wands, can you show me where? Epiphora simply pointed out the flaws of your PRODUCT, so no, the remarks were not directed towards your company nor your efforts. But now mine are, so congratulations.

Don’s “apology” (if that’s what you want to even call it) on Epiphora’s post furthers the reason why I will no longer support Don Wands.

Epiphora and your readers,

Please accept my apologies for the poorly worded defense of our efforts to bring a new product to market for the consumer.

We are making attempts to correct all negative comments in the review, however the fever that has ensued over a few poorly worded sentences is a bit much. Please accept that nothing personal was meant by the comments and we accept responsibility for your feelings.

Thank you for the honesty in your comments, we hope you understand that we did not mean to come off condescending. We are here for your feedback and questions as you move forward on a review, we hope you choose to find out more about the product.

The market and our research actually have found much a different story than much of the comments posted as of recent, they are moving quite well. We do plan on improvements and fixes for those who find one that is too noisy.

With Respect,
Don

It’s amazing that he can call the “fever” that ensued a “bit much” considering his previous comments. It surprises me that a company thinks consumers will not notice poor treatment or react to it. The poor impression he made will leave an impact on people besides Epiphora, and you would think a company would understand that. Please take some lessons in public relations and marketing Don, you really need it.

Again, he refers to the market and his research, further alienating anyone who DOESN’T like his product. Excuse me Don, nobody ever said that the Treeze line wasn’t selling well. As Epiphora herself has pointed out, there have been many positive reviews of the products. Your desperate attempts to defend the Treeze line only make me think less of you and your company. I don’t accept your apology, and I believe you’re only backpedaling to try and repair the damage you have caused.

I am surprised that a company such as Don Wands would have SUCH poor customer management and public relations skills. Like I said on Epiphora’s blog, there are better deserving companies out there that I would be much happier supporting. It’s only a matter of time before other companies begin producing similar products, and Don Wands can only hide behind their “innovative” designs for so long. You have lost my business, support, and respect Don Wands. Please stop underestimating and alienating your consumer base, or soon enough you won’t have one.

There will be no TMI Tuesday this week, since all of my answers to the questions could be summed up with “nope” and how boring is that?

In other news, I’m working on something exciting that should be announced within the next few weeks. I also have a fun review, complete with video, that will be published in the next few days. Keep an eye out!

You know those little bio boxes you have to fill in on a websites like Twitter? I hate those. It’s always hard for me to explain who I am and what I’m about without seeming either boring or narcissistic, so usually I just leave them blank. In a world full of labels where everybody insists they don’t need to fit into neat little boxes, we sure seem to do it a lot, especially when it comes to sexuality. Dominant, submissive, kinky, vanilla, queer, straight, gay, lesbian, femme, butch, monogamous, polyamorous, and the list goes on and on. These labels exist as a way to help us define ourselves (or, more often, as a way for others to define us), and become a part of us even when we don’t want to be limited by them.

So where do I fit into all of these labels? That question has been a struggle for me lately, but also a wonderful learning experience. There are times where I feel like I didn’t fit in with other sex bloggers, for numerous reasons. After all, I’m completely monogamous, mostly vanilla, and before discovering sex blogs I had never given a second thought to my own gender identity. On paper it seems as if I am completely out of my element, so what the hell am I even doing here?

Being exposed to people with different view points and lifestyles has not only taught me a lot about them, but has also allowed me to learn a lot about myself. I don’t ever see myself having a threesome or opening up my relationship, but I also respect those who have the ability to love/fuck/whatever without those limits. While I can’t say I’m anywhere near as kinky as many of my fellow bloggers, I do enjoy a hand around my throat or a sharp tug on my hair during sex. I’ve started to become more aware of my submissive nature, especially in my sexuality. Since I’m generally very in control of my day-to-day life, I had never fully recognized that side of myself.

So even though sometimes I feel boring and wonder why anyone would even want to read what I have to say, I’m going to keep doing this. I am going to stop caring about how other people perceive me, and just put myself out there. No sugar-coating, no bullshit, just me.

It happened again today… M tried to bring up being deployed to Iraq.

M: “I need to clean. And we still need to talk…”
Me: “Talk? About what?”
M: “Oh nothing bad. Just the whole Iraq thing.”
Me: …..

That’s where I shut down every single time. I can’t even bring myself to think about it, how am I supposed to talk about it? I’m terrified. I never thought it was something I would have to go through.

He says he’s leaving in November. I keep telling him that we’ll talk about it when everything is set in stone. I need to figure this out in my own mind before I can discuss it with him.

So I’m up late and it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to sleep anytime soon, so I thought it might be a good time to share a little bit about M, previously referred to as the boy. He’s been brought up before, and there’s no doubt he’ll be brought up again.

M and I met while I was in high school. He was the good-looking ladie’s man, and I didn’t think I had a shot in hell. M had a bad boy reputation and proved it to be true with his party boy ways. We friended each other on Myspace, and for a year rarely talked besides a few comments here and there.

Jump forward a few months. I had a brief fling with M’s friend (scandelous, right?) which ended casually. We all remained friends, running into one another at random places. M and I ran into each other at a mutual friend’s house one night, and I still believed he was way out of my league. Somehow we started hanging out more and more frequently, and the relationship slowly became more than platonic.

Three weeks after M and I officially began dating, he left for military basic training. He was gone for a total of six months, during which I only saw him once. Surprisingly, I believe this was a blessing in disguise. Those months apart allowed us to build a connection that wasn’t solely based on physical attraction, which is definitely one of the reasons we’ve lasted this long.

The year after M returned is just a big blur to me now. It was full of fighting, infidelity, drinking, lying, exploring sexual boundries, and growing up. I would never want to re-live that year, but I learned a lot about relationships and even more about myself.

This past year has been one of amazing growth. M admitted to his past infidelities, which crushed me to the core and lifted a weight off of our relationship at the same time. Things hadn’t been good between us for some time, and it didn’t surprise me to hear what had happened. I had known it all along, but honestly never thought I would hear the truth from him. We broke up for a few months, and both thought a lot about whether our relationship could ever work and if it was even worth a try.

During our break-up M went to rehab for alcoholism. His addiction was a huge part of the reason our relationship wasn’t working. Since he’s been back, we’ve slowly been rebuilding a relationship. Things are much better now that drinking isn’t dictating his time or actions. He realizes that there is a lot of damage to repair and has stepped up to the plate, much to my surprise.

There are times I get frustrated and feel like giving up, but I think that is just me being scarred that he is going to slip back into old habits. Sometimes I find myself worrying that the past will repeat itself, only to have him surprise me with his efforts to become not only a better boyfriend, but a better person.

I truly love and respect M, even though I do not love and respect everything he’s done in the past. Every day he shows me that there is nothing that cannot be overcome. I do not know what the future holds for us, but I am a lucky girl to have had somebody like him in my life.

Why is it that sometimes relationships seems like they’re more trouble than they’re worth?

He’s been gone for over a week. I was SO excited to see him. Yesterday was great. I just don’t get it.

We slept away half of the day (which I absolutely hate). Then he mentions he’s leaving tomorrow morning for a bachelor party. Are you kidding me? You are going to be gone for another two weeks and you’re leaving early for strippers? “There’s not going to be any strippers babe. It’s at [insert name of harmless resaturant here]” Oh. Surrrre. Bachelor parties are simply dinner.

Mistake #1: Assuming I’m stupid and will believe it will end immediately after dinner.

Then he leaves for a haircut. He comes back and sulks because I don’t want to talk to him. Leaves again- this time to AA.

Mistake #2: Wanting to go to a bachelor party when you’re a recovering alcoholic. Why tempt yourself? You know what you’re risking.

Now, instead of spending his last night in town with me, he’s with his sponser. “I don’t know when I’m coming home.”

Mistake #3: Leaving me ALONE at your house. And not coming back to fix things.

Sometimes I think he’s far more trouble than he’s worth. I’ve put up with a countless number of things I that I shouldn’t have back when he was drinking. Three years. After three years, yes, I expect to fall somewhere in the top 3 of his priorities. Now I’m sitting here wondering if I should just go home and completely ignore him for the next two weeks. Maybe he’ll get the point. Then again, some men never learn…

I got THREE packages today! Two sex toys, and a cute camera case for my new camera. I bet my mailman thinks I’m addicted to online shopping (and he’s right.) It’s even fun buying stuff for other people, almost more fun in fact.

My Lelo Gigi is charging as I type. Wow, it’s beautiful. Even better than I expected. The Xtreme Pack G-Spot Bullet is intense. I haven’t ventured south with it yet, but went through all of the modes. Is there a low setting on this thing? I haven’t exactly gotten the hang of it yet…

I really need to write reviews. I’ve been meaning to write a few, but just haven’t had the time. Hopefully I’ll get a few done on Friday since I don’t have to work.

Okay, I’ve rambled enough for one day.

Happy playing all!