Cal Exotics Intimacy Massager

When I first learned I would be getting the Intimacy Massager by California Exotics from Vibrator.com, I was really excited. If you know me, you know I’m head-over-heels in love with my Eroscillator 2. I thought the Intimacy Massager could possibly be a cheaper alternative and that I might be able recommend it to those not wanting to shell out big bucks for a vibrator. Unfortunately for me and those on a budget, I won’t be recommending this product anytime soon.

I had hope for the Intimacy Massager, I really did. I even tried to look past the oh-so-typical California Exotics packaging, which boasts a busty blonde and some dude with a goatee. (What does that even have to do with anything? Let’s try to be a little more relevant next time Cal Exotics.) Speaking of relevancy, can we talk about the name for a minute? “Intimacy Massager”  …really? This thing isn’t intimate, stop trying to fool us. But I digress… I slightly winced at the packaging’s claim of “4 silicone heads” since they’re made out of TPR, not silicone. The box says “Hi-Speed Oscillating Massager” and “More Power”, and I sure hoped it was telling the truth. Sadly, it was just another lie Cal Exotics wanted me to believe.

Ok, let’s back up and make some formal introductions. Intimacy Massager, meet readers. Readers, meet Intimacy Massager. The I.M. differentiates itself from other clitoral stimulators with its oscillation, which is a back-and-forth movement that is more similar to the movement of fingers than regular vibrations are. (Part of the reason I love the Eroscillator 2 so much is because of its oscillation, and the fact that it doesn’t make me numb.) There are four attachments, “heads” if you will, made out of bright pink TPR that easily snap onto the main body. They each have a different texture, with obvious seams that run up one side and down the other. The main body of the vibrator is metallic silver, and features a shape which I assume is supposed to make it easy to hold. The shape utterly fails in that aspect, and instead makes holding the I.M. while masturbating somewhat awkward and uncomfortable. It takes 3 AAA batteries, which load right into the bottom. I have a bone to pick with the battery compartment: I hate it. Instead of being a twist off or any other normal battery compartment design, you just pull the bottom cap right off. Seems pretty easy, that is until you have to get the damn thing back on. There is a little groove-and-nub thing which you have to line up, and it’s all way too frustrating for something that should be so simple.

The oscillations are controlled by a pink push-button on the bottom (right on the finicky battery cap). The Intimacy Massager only has two settings, compared to the Eroscillator 2’s three. I honestly don’t notice much of a difference in power between the two settings, other than the higher-pitched whine of the high setting. Instead of the head moving side-to-side, much like the Eroscillator 2 does, the head on the I.M. twists back and forth, which made me a little disappointed. While the Eroscillator 2 is rather quiet, the Intimacy Massager makes far too much noise for something that is so dinky. At first it would appear as if the I.M. was decently powerful… and then you touch the head to something and it STOPS. I can have it on full power, touch my finger to it, and put a small amount of pressure and the head starts slowing down and then will completely stop moving.

In my opinion, having a vibrator stop doing what it’s supposed to under a minimal amount of pressure is unforgiveable. Pressure is necessary for me to come, so getting off with this toy was a challenge. After half an hour of struggling with it, and using hardly any pressure at all so it would keep “oscillating”, I finally managed to have a single (unfulfilling) orgasm, but by that time I was so frustrated that I didn’t care. If you don’t need pressure, there’s a slight chance the Intimacy Massager could work for you. For me, it was just disappointment after disappointment.

If you want to see the Intimacy Massager suck under pressure, please watch the video below. (For reference I have shown the Eroscillator 2 and its performance. Please note that the Eroscillator 2’s movements are very subtle when compared to the I.M., so while it doesn’t look like it’s doing much it actually is.)

As much as I had wanted to tell you all to run out and get the California Exotics Intimacy Massager, I just won’t. Vibrator.com has tons of other (better) sex toys, and I’m sure you could find exactly what you’re looking for. I whole-heartedly recommend the Xtreme Pack G-Spot Bullet (Cal Exotic’s saving grace), which is nearly the same price of the Intimacy Massager and about a thousand times better.